Dear Barack and Joe

I love it when I get those personal emails from both of you about burning issues in the United States. And you know I've always rallied to your cause. Now it is my turn to ask for your help. For the last 20 years since my uncle was murdered in the Dominican Republic, I have been cheated out of a multimillion dollar inheritance by a series of Dominican lawyers and suspicious international "businessmen" (very much like the New Jersey mafia I grew up with). In my more paranoid moments, I have wondered whether word went out in May of 1989 from the Balaguer government (who may have had my uncle killed) to make sure that Ingrid Philipp, with her dangerously democratic politic history, did not inherit a cent.
How can you help? The "businessman" who stole my preferred shares in Sosua Bay Resort, has gone public with a venture called Caribbean Casino & Gaming. He seems to have built quite an empire on the North Coast of the Dominican Republic, based on the theft of my preferred shares. I'd like you to direct the Securities and Exchange Commission to investigate the group, and its two principals--Armando Casciati and Steven Swank. I'm sure you are aware of the value of casinos to organized crime. In the event that you recover any of my family's monies, I'd be glad to make a more significant contribution than the $100 I contributed to your last campaign.
You might also want to investigate how much money the operations of this group are draining out of the American economy. Yours truly in the battle for truth and justice, Ingrid Philipp
cc: Wall Street Journal